another moral hangover. fuck.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
