Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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