I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're so nebulous sometimes
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
