My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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