Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
