I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
