I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
