Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
