I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize