I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
