So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
