I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
