Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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