Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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