in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't put those talents on a resume
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
