Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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