Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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