OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize