Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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