talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
