I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
