You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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