Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
