Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
