is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you would pick up someone in the library
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
