And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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