We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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