It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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