R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
