I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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