I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
