But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
