Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
