his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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