no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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