Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
