He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
