He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
