My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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