She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
