what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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