I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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