Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
