I wannas sexs uuuuu
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he was CRYING into my vagina
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
