She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
