this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
