Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
