Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
