She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
