Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize