So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
