As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
