hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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