I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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