everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
