just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
