my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
