He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the day after is always just damage control
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hippo gnu deer
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
