coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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