Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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