Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
