Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
