I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
