But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize