I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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