the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
