her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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