I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
